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 I think I REALLY upset some feminists....

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Trip
Psycho Princess
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20140616
PostI think I REALLY upset some feminists....

I'm a member of a site that measures public opinion on a variety of subjects.
They use various ways of gathering people's points of view one of which is is a comments box.
Basically, instead of a user name, each person has a reference number that they use on the public side of the site so that you don't get people tracking you down to kill you because your opinion offended their cat or something.
Now the comments box allows you to post an opinion on anything you want to and do it publicly so that people can rate it and/or comment on it.

So the other day after reading (yet another) one sided, man-hating article on Facebook, I decided to post a comment on this site stating that, as a woman, I am embarrassed by feminists.
The comments box only allows you to use 500 words so I wasn't able to put in my full explanation and it appears to have been a rather controversial subject.
Half the people who've seen it are in complete agreement, the other half may well be forming a lynch mob and attempting to hack the site for my contact details!

The thing is....

I am a woman. I have all the lady bits. Seriously, there's nothing swinging around in my pants and I have some rather jiggly norks up top. Definitely a woman.

And I enjoy being a woman. I like wearing dresses and make-up, I love cooking and looking after my kids, I even like the fact that my husband is at work all day and I make him a coffee when he gets in.
I don't do these things because I have a 1940's mentality or because I'm being oppressed, I do them because I enjoy them.

People go on about how the suffragettes fought and died so that women could have the same rights as men and I do appreciate that, I really do! But here's the thing that a lot of modern 'feminists' don't seem to get:
Men had the right to choose how they were treated, women didn't. That doesn't mean that all of us HAVE to go out and work, it means we CAN if we want to.

When Rob and I had Ashley, he had a better paying job than I did and I hated the work I was doing. Plus, I was going to be made redundant a few months after my maternity leave finished. It made sense for me to stay at home and for him to work...especially as childcare costs would have meant that we were worse off if both of us worked.

When Ashley started school I could have gone back to work part time but I didn't want to. By this time we had made some pretty good investments that I looked after at home and there was no need for me to work. Instead, I concentrated on my voluntary work and made sure that it never interfered with me collecting Ashley from school and making the tea.

A lot of people seem to think that means I gave up. It totally didn't. I choose to live my life like this. I wasn't forced to.
If I decided to start looking for a job today then Rob would support me 100%...as long as I was doing it because I wanted to. That, to me, is equality.

I can change a tyre on my car, I can fix my brakes, change my oil, hang wallpaper, and throw a punch...but I don't. I don't want to and I have no need to prove to anyone that I can so why do these feminists think they're doing me a favour by telling me that I must?

The article that prompted this opinion really pissed me off.
The woman who wrote it was saying that she'd got drunk one night and had a one-night stand. She woke up the following morning and regretted it. Despite the fact that both she and the man she was with were both drunk and had agreed to have sex, she claimed it was rape as she wasn't of sound mind.
Someone had pointed out that the man could be saying the same thing and she went nuts. Apparently, it's different.

Now, I have slept with men and women who were drunker than I was at the time, does that make me a rapist? My husband went on a night out with his friends and came back sloshed, we had sex. We both consented but as he was drunk have I raped my husband?
Not according to this woman. As I don't have a penis (well, I have one in a drawer somewhere but the batteries ran out) I can't commit rape.

To me this is just wrong. These people seem to think that being equal means that men are stupid, violent animals and the only way to be equal is to treat them as inferior. That's not equality. The people who originally fought for women's rights would spin in their graves (in my mind at least). We've taken all they fought for and turned it upside down.
You don't get equal rights by treating the people who originally oppressed you as they treated you. You get them by being equal in all things. By making the choices that are right for you and taking other peoples rights in to account.

As I said in my comment on the opinion site:
You keep using the word equality. I don't think it means what you think it means

_________________
Seven deadly sins, seven days in a week....have a fabulous week.

And the Lord said to John "Come forth and receive eternal life" but John came fifth and won a toaster

Carabas said I'm adorable and he's the boss so you all have to listen!
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I think I REALLY upset some feminists.... :: Comments

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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 11:59 am by Sue77
I agree with the points you've made Trip.

However, I do find that because I'm assertive I'm often labelled as a 'feminist' (and it's a dirty word to those who utter it); because I'll stand up for others and myself I'm often called aggressive; because I have challenged a situation I have ended up in a court of law and/or had a consultant refuse to meet with me.

I would also argue that our Western society remains patriarchal; it is male concentric in essence.  However, that doesn't mean I don't have choice in relation to how I deal with, or react to situations I find myself in.  

I'll also admit I take issue with some aspects of life, but it's due to my personal perspective (gained from living) and has nothing to do with the fact I'm female.  Rob is often far more upset about how women are treated in certain instances than I am.  One thing that does gall me is how women in the workplace often don't receive the same level of pay for doing the same job as their male counterparts.  I feel if you're doing the same job to the same level of efficiency the remuneration should be equal regardless of gender.  

I think in Western society equality is, to an extent, the responsibility of the individual.  Life is what we make of it, but there will be times when crap and hardship comes our way.  How we deal with these situations is what is important.  Still there are those who haven't had, or been able to create, the opportunities in life that you and I have had and how each of us experiences life does shape our perspective on such issues as gender, equality, motherhood and work. Inequality is a reality for many - men and women - who perhaps struggle to assess, rationalise and deal with or change their situation.

 cat
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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:06 pm by Trip
I agree with you. The gender pay gap is ridiculous! We still have a way to go with that but I was more driving at the people who think that they can only achieve equality by forcing a gender reversal. That is the thing that pisses me off more than anything!
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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:07 pm by Carabas
I completely agree on the rape thing. A man can get hard against his will as a matter of fact all a woman has to do is to choke him (which is why sometimes you hear about embarrassing accidents).

Besides I'm a guy and I like to cook (I'm not great at it, I like it) and I wouldn't be able to fix the brakes on a car. Does it make me less of a man? Do I even care?

People who are obsessed with gender tend to see things according to one factor only and that is just too narrow a view.

As for one night stands there is a reason why we talk about beer goggles. That lady's story should serve as a cautionary tale but for her to cry rape is offensive to all rape victims out there.

When people talk of domestic violence they almost always bring up women (and sheer numbers are on their side) but there are men who are victim of domestic abuse. I can only respect Roger Moore for disclosing that he had been a victim but there is no denying that many people have made fun of him for that and we're not even talking about a regular Joe here, the man was James Bond so imagine what comments a normal looking and average sized guy would get down at the pub for admitting to the same thing.

Lastly, equality is a myth. Some people are healthier than others, some are smarter and more beautiful and sometimes you can run into people who are nice, intelligent and good looking (and irritatingly so). The only way to get equality would be to get everyone to be ugly and dumb because it would be impossible to achieve the opposite. If I'm physically stronger than my neighbour it doesn't make me superior because we live in a society in which the rights of each individual are delimited by the law. I would have a hard time making the same point if I considered wealth instead of physical strength (but that's not a physical attribute and probably the subject of a different discussion) and I didn't even bring gender into the equation.

Gender works both ways. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned (I did have a doll when I was a kid though, I even ditched my teddy in order to sleep with her) but I've been taught to treat women differently which means opening doors or giving up my seat. I'm not saying this is right or wrong but that's the way I've been taught. If I got in a fight with a kid my age it was ok for me to punch back that kid but it would have been incredibly wrong if that had been a girl. See where I'm going with that? I'm not saying women don't get harassed at the work place or that they do get fair wages, what I'm saying is that the issue is way more complicated.

Guys my age have grown with the idea of equality and most of us would probably not even dare dispute that women have the same rights we have (unless they're bragging down at the pub before going back home to their girlfriend or their mommy). We may take a more proactive approach to kids and housework but it doesn't mean that we're going to be the ones carrying babies any time soon. Bottom line men now are not what men used to be. More and more men are coming out and admit to exploring their sexuality and that's something no "real" man would have admitted to a few decades ago. More and more men are using make up and cosmetics as well.

I think the limit between genders is getting blurred and that's something feminists should be aware of. Guys have been encouraged to develop a softer side but truth is male identity is at stake here. Either we go back to the neanderthal model (which some women find alluring) or we go full blown metrosexuals (fair warning I'm not waxing and I won't use make up and stuff). Women have been struggling between the over feminine, falsely submissive housewife model and the tomboy, independent, we-don't-need-men persona so they are in a unique position to understand what guys are trying to cope with here. If anything, that's where we are all equals.
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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 3:50 pm by Trip
That's it though, isn't it? They* seem to want a dividing wall with 'The Evil Men' on one side and 'The Virtuous Women' on the other! No shades of grey and no room for those of us who get along with the opposite sex



*By 'They' I mean these hardcore man-haters. I know that there are plenty of women out there who are perfectly happy but just want equal pay and things rather than all out gender war Laughing
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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:25 pm by Carabas
You know what I find ironic? It's the fact that men are a minority. It may not be true in India or China but it's definitely true in the Western world and it evens out globally.

So if women wanted to seize power through the ballot, they could just do that. Wink
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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:05 pm by Trip
Aye but some buggers need to make a song and dance about it!
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Re: I think I REALLY upset some feminists....
Post on Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:27 pm by Carabas
I don't care what they say, I couldn't live without women.  

I've just realized that man haters would probably find this smiley sexist:  
 

I think I REALLY upset some feminists....

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