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 Yes, I shout at my kids

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Trip
Psycho Princess
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20160801
PostYes, I shout at my kids

I was reading through a forum today and you know how it is, one post links to another and before you know it, you've gone from looking up the easiest way to clean the inside of your car windscreen (What? I have short arms, ok?!) to 15 things you never knew about shoe polish (ok, maybe not).

Anyway, I currently have fluid behind my eardrum and was looking at posts about alternative ways to clear it (I don't fancy having surgery like my doctor threatend!) and ended up idly clicking onto different posts and eventually landed on a post from a woman going through IVF.
The post was all about her experiance with other parents and how the yelled at their kids. The poster was talking about how dreadful it was that people did this and there she was struggling to have a child at all. She has decided that she will never shout at her kids if she is ever able to have them, she will 'use her words' to 'calmly discuss' the matter and come to an agreement with her child.
She then went on to say that yelling at your kids is a sign of bad parenting, it's lazy, and that people who do it shouldn't be allowed to have kids.

Now, I didn't respond to that post as I can't be bothered with the inevitable fall out when people decide I'm a troll but it's played on my mind all afternoon and the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get.

First off, it's awful that some people can't have kids naturally. It is. I'm lucky that I fell pregnant naturally and I understand from seeing friends who've had fertility issues that it's heartbreaking to not be able to do the most natural thing in the world.
But...don't ever assume to know what my parenting skills are like. Don't judge me by your standards. I SHOUT AT MY KIDS!
Look, I'm sure that there are parents out there who have a l mood, and scream abuse at their children just because they can. Now THAT is bad parenting. You don't have kids so that you have someone to yell at because your boss is an arse but you can't bollock him because you need your job. Fair enough if you want to hold those people up as an example of being a shitty parental unit.
However, most of us don't jump into screaming at our offspring because we spilled our cuppa and tripped over the dog. We shout because they're doing something dangerous and we need them to stop. Obviously you want to remove the danger by moving the child or taking away whatever it is they're trying to stick in a plug socket or whatever but sometimes, when you have 1 second to stop them but 5 seconds to reach them, a shout is the thing that stops them long enough for you to get to them.

There are times when you shout at your kids because of their behaviour. Yes it would be lovely to be able to sit down and rationally explain to them that what they did was wrong and not acceptable and you don't want them to grow up to be some socially deficient, self-entitled little arsehole but that doesn't work when your 4 year old has just told your mother that he doesn't want to play with that particular toy becaise it's "fuckin' knackered, gran" or your 9 year old has burst into tears because he lost at Mario cart after driving the wrong way around the track three times but it's because 'the game is cheating'.

Then there are the times that you've just. Had. Enough. The times when you lose your temper because after calmly explaining for the 27th time why your kid can't use the oven to bake a cake unsupervised he's managed to cover the kitchen floor, worktop, dog, and himself in raw egg and the gas ring is on without being lit.


Basically there's a ton of reasons why you yell at your kids. Not all of them may be strictly necessary, sometimes there probably was a better alternative but the majority of the time there's a damn good reason for it and it's nobody else's damn business.

And lastly, I know EXACTLY how lucky I am to have my kids. Between the two of them I have spent 14 weeks sat beside an incubator wondering if this is the last time I'll see them. I've held them wondering if I'll ever get to take them home, I've had phonecalls when I'd nipped home for a shower and a nap telling me to come back as the doctors think they're losing the fight. Yelling at your kids has nothing to do with being ungrateful or being a bad parent. It's a gut reaction to a situation that needs to be stopped and nobody has the right to judge anybody else for doing the best they can!

Sometime

_________________
Seven deadly sins, seven days in a week....have a fabulous week.

And the Lord said to John "Come forth and receive eternal life" but John came fifth and won a toaster

Carabas said I'm adorable and he's the boss so you all have to listen!
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Yes, I shout at my kids :: Comments

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Re: Yes, I shout at my kids
Post on Mon Aug 01, 2016 10:09 pm by Carabas
The attitude of that poster is typical of people who don't have children or haven't been around children long enough to realise that although they're cute at times they can be completely and utterly infuriating (and that has nothing to do with the fact that you love your children or your siblings, nephews, nieces, whatever).

The problem with yelling is that after a while it's possible that kids no longer react to it. I've seen parents who started yelling and making fools of themselves in public while the little devil was smirking at the scene of the crime.

Being a parent is not easy. It's a full time job from which you can't take any vacation and I won't even get started on the responsibility. But if you ask me raising a kid must be one of the most fulfilling experiences that life has to offer but at the same time it is potentially one of the most heart wrenching. I'm trying but frankly I can't relate to what you're saying because I don't have a child but I wish I'll be able to be a parent one day.

I hope you'll find a way to treat your ear without resorting to surgery. I hate when doctors start bringing that up as a threat when in most cases there are less intrusive alternatives.
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Re: Yes, I shout at my kids
Post on Tue Aug 02, 2016 12:36 am by Triactus
Haha, yep, that poster was speaking out of her ass. I'd like to have kids, but it didn't happen yet. However, unlike that poster, I'm smart enough to realize I know shit about parenting because, you know, I'M NOT A PARENT. I got into a huge fight with my ex one time because she was saying kids not listening to their parents is a sign of bad parenting and that her children would obey every instruction. I was like "are you seriously that deluded?"

There are some bad parents, that's for sure. I had an apartment neighbour who would yell at her children in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening. Every. Single. Day. That to me is bad parenting. Yelling at your children because they drew a lovely multicolored scribble on white walls with permanent markers is not bad parenting. It's human being coping with a frustrating situation. And kids, especially after 3 or 4 years old, have fun trying to push your buttons.

In fact, I'd rather see someone yell at their kid being a rascal in the grocery store cash register lineup than parents who calmly look away while their kid is being a huge dick. At least you know there is some level of discipline.
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Re: Yes, I shout at my kids
Post on Tue Aug 02, 2016 7:51 am by Sue77
I hope you find a solution for your ear problem Trip - it must be uncomfortable and I wondered if it was affecting your balance at all. Get well soon.

As for shouting at kids, well not shouting at all at them is unrealistic. Toddlers don't have the ability to rationalise a 'discussion' and yes, if they're heading towards a dangerous situation a timely shout potentially saves a life or stops injury. 'Oh no darling, please don't put your hand in the flame as it will burn you and hurt sweetie.' won't work quite as well as a short sharp 'NO!'. Young children need clearly defined boundaries.

I'd be surprised if everyone agreed with this poster. There must be others with a more realistic outlook on this than just yourself Trip.


Re: Yes, I shout at my kids
Post on Wed Aug 03, 2016 3:36 am by kaay
Well, to her defense, im thinking maybe not being able to have kids and wanting one, made her idealize the whole thing.
Kinda like...look at them how they shout at their children, if i had one, i would never do that....yeah right, once she will have her own child she will see Razz
As for shouting, thats usually popular with women and its very inefficient, it might work once or twice but it gets old fast if repeated.
When they shout too often, the kid will get used to it and stop taking them seriously, and then they have to shout even more for even less results, exactly like Tri described, ive seen that happening a lot.

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Re: Yes, I shout at my kids
Post on Wed Aug 03, 2016 10:02 pm by Nakia the Rogue
I agree that the poster seems idealistic. Without knowing just what she meant by shouting or more details it is hard to know what she meant. Very young children can't be easily reasoned with. I also think we have gotten carried away with what abuse is. I took a quiz that was supposed to deteermine if I had been abused. One question was if I had ever been spanked. Yes, I was several times not very often but occasionally. I could be very contrary and was great at throwing temper tantrums. I deserved those spankings. There was no damage and no abuse. My Mother did some things right and some things wrong because she was a human being. Parenting is a very important job and it is done by amateurs. The important thing in my opinion is if the child feels loved.

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Re: Yes, I shout at my kids
Post on Thu Aug 04, 2016 12:02 am by Carabas
These days people are going crazy. Spanking is considered as child abuse and that's incredibly stupid. If people can't tell the difference between a pat on the bottom meant as a rebuke and violence then all hope is lost.

Remember the line "spare the rod spoil the child" well it's definitely out of fashion, I guess that as far as corporal punishment is concerned it's definitely a step in the right direction but considering that as a result spanking is banned by law is a bit mind numbing.

The only alternative left is shouting which is something that as a bystander I've noticed kids tend to find really entertaining.
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