A mini-script for someone to mess about with

Anybody who knows me or Rob (or, God forbid, both of us!) knows that we have a pretty filthy sense of humour and also both have hearing problems. This has often resulted in some rather odd and, quite often deliberate, misunderstandings.
The following is an almost true story about our Wedding ceremony and our vows. The fact that we had both read through our vows and exercised some iron will-power is the only thing that stopped us having an ‘interesting’ start to married life...to say nothing about how we would have dealt with being upset!
Add to this the fact that Ashley (our son) was trying to climb up the chimney of the room we were in made for a pretty unique Wedding ceremony but all our guests said that it was perfectly suited to us!
I thought this might be fun for a couple of people to have a crack at. If you want to add in a bit more dialogue to pad it out then feel free 

Registrar: Do you Robert take Rachel to be your lawful wedded wife?

Rob: I do

Registrar: Repeat after me. I promise to love you and to care for you

Rob: I promise to love you and to care for you

Registrar: I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you
with all my faults and strengths.

Rob: I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you
with all my faults and strengths.

Registrar: I will comfort you with my gentleness

Rob: I will comfort you with my genitals...GENTLENESS! I will comfort you with my gentleness!

Silvery, but what about you? Surely you can come up with something to comfort him with. Ashley should have a part too. "Hey, Mums, Da, see what I found? A dead bird."

Laughter from the guests in various appropriate spots. More like snickers really.

I was going to do my bit next and then the bit where my sister stops the ceremony by saying: 'Excuse, I'll just get Ashley out the fire'

It's a lot to do in one sitting though as I'm trying to sort out work stuff and set up a new marine tank. Plus I've been signing all day instead of speaking so I keep having to re-do bits as I'm putting my words in the wrong order!